万兴.

Ambivalence.

Saturday, 7 January 2006
2:49 am

I feel Happy.
I feel Sad.
I feel... Why don't you tell me instead?

I don't quite know what I feel anymore.. Bloody mood swings.. Sometimes I wish I could just treat the people around me a little better..

[emo, entrance stage right]

Messes up my head too much. Interferes with judgement. Makes me do things I know I'll regret later. Shuts me away from the world I'd wish so much to run amok in.

[emo, exit stage left]

I live happily ever after. Peace on earth.

Naw. If only life was as simple as a play script. Strikeout the ugly parts and rewrite as you deem fit.

Then again, its no illusion to me. Life ain't just a pretty picture; there's always a sordid story behind that smile.

Come to think of it.. How many *best friends* have I made over this 2 decades? Friends whom you can pour your troubles to, be it about work, family, even your relationship when you hit a rocky stetch of road..

None really.

Close friends, few and far between..
Normal friends, many more.. But how much can you really open up to them comfortably?
Accquaintances, too many.. Most a mere fleeting memory..

Maybe its just me. Loads of friendly people out there and I'm the one shutting myself out. I don't know. But I try.

Spread my wings and... fall flat.

I try.

Anyways to you who's reading this right now.. you prolly know me one way or another.. and I extend an open apology to whoever I've inconvienienced in the past 2 decades, through my tardy behaviour or my lack of tact..

Let's start afresh, yes? New year, new beginnings.

You prolly woudn't see many more of such posts.. I've vowed not to flood this blog with wordy posts.. But if I do.. do take that extra time to read.. Always happy to have another person on this planet to share a bit of my life with..

N.B. The apology thing.. It probably wouldn't change anything.. But at least I got it off my chest.. Made me feel that little bit better. Selfish selfish me.